Newt Gingrich

Ah, Newt Gingrich. Where to start with this guy. His infidelity? His douche bag name? His general being a lying, insensitive prick? Maybe the fact that he looks like a tall infant.

Let’s start with the whole sticking it to some chick that wasn’t his wife. So he was getting hot and heavy while he was married. But the woman he was doing the dance without pants with wasn’t his wife. Whoops. That’s right; he was hiding the old bishop in the wrong church.

By the way, it turns out that they got a divorce about the time Wife Number One found out she had cancer. He even gave her the divorce papers while she was in the hospital.  Allegedly Newt was sensitive enough to tell his campaign treasurer "She's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer."  Ahhhh, how nice of him. He says that this was a fabrication.

Six months after that divorce Newty marries his second wife. And again like a bad horror movie the same thing happened. Newt began humping a House of Representatives staffer. After a while he told his wife about the affair and then (according to his now 2^nd ex-wife) asked her for an open marriage. Got that one backwards old boy.

According to him this thing about the open marriage is also made up. Geez, lots of people making stuff up about him. And of course the internet conservatives started to call her a lying ex-wife. Because of course all exs are fucking liars. But this “lie” is so original that it has to be true. Either she’s a great storyteller or it’s the truth.  Anyway that was the end of Mrs. Gingrich number two.

Oh, and they got a divorce a year after she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Jesus he tends to leave them waaaay worse than he finds them.

Interesting fact: The new woman he was now tossing it in, that wasn’t his wife, was 23 years younger than he was.

He married the staffer he was doing the horizontal bop with. For a guy with “family values” he sure seems to have a problem keeping Little Newt to go along with the program.

Now onto his name. Ever seen Lonesome Dove? No. Well, here’s a character from the series named Newt.

Goofy little fella. This is what I have to think of every time I hear “Newt”. We can’t have a fucking president named fucking Newt!

Oh, he also says the reason he resigned as Speaker of the House because he felt some things that went wrong were his fault and he didn’t deserve the seat. This is all true if when he says that he means he was brought up on ethics charges and was fined $300,000 and people fucking hated him for going after President Bill Clinton. By the way this was the first time in history that the Speaker of the House was brought up on ethics charges.

He also seems to want to take credit for 4 years of budget surplus even though he was only Speaker of the House for 2 years of a budget surplus so fuck him.

In closing I’d like to point out one more thing. When asked what he’d do about America’s enemies he quoted Andrew Jackson, saying he’d kill them. Huh? First that’s psychotic. No diplomacy? No talking? Just kill them? Shit, we could do that ourselves, why the fuck are we paying you to do it? Second, Andrew Jackson was a psycho who displaced American Indians even more than they already were, dueled on the fucking White House lawn, beat people with his fucking walking stick, and near the end he’d stated that he’d wished he’d killed more people, one of them being John Calhoun, his own Vice President.

Not the best person for a modern president to look up to in my opinion.

On SOPA

Copyrights are under fire! The whole fucking world is going to blow up if you don't give the U.S. government control of your freedom of speech and expression!!  Lucky for us some people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about are fixing this problem with the SOPA and PIPA. Thanks U.S. politicians for giving us this protection. Is there any way we can repay you? Any chance I can let you nail me right where you're nailing my fucking rights to free speech.

These Acts suck fucking ass. You could learn more about them easily but the good people at Wikipedia, among others, have blacked out their sites in protest. These policies will "protect" copyrights by either taking the site that engage in unlicensed distribution. As an example if I wanted to put up a blog post like:

"Miami Vice the movie sucked fucking balls. It was boring as shit!

"

That would be against the law because I used a copyrighted poster for the film. "Okay", you say, "So just say that sucks and don't use the picture." Of course I reply, "Fuck you, I also wouldn't be able to criticize the copyrighted work that appears on other political sites. I might not be able to express myself when I write:

                                                                                                   

So, people in the U.S. government wants to take control of content on the Internet. We all know how good it is to let the government take control of the freedom of speech, right Germany?



On the chance that the picture above it copyrighted I would be violating these laws. Political and religious groups could also use these laws to block sites that republish writing they would like to keep from the public eye.

If you don't give a fuck about the freedom of speech or expression then let me tell you this. It takes a lot to block an internet address without fucking everything up. The shit they would do would open up holes in the Internet that could allow hackers to river dance through the place with all the grace of a bull in a fucking China shop.

Don’t just go with my word. Do your own research. Save yourselves! Write a representative. A least tell them “This shit is fucking shit!”

Protect your fucking rights!

On Religion

I know in several of my posts both on this site and on my deviantart account I may have come off like I not only don’t believe in any religion, but that I also hate it. This is not true despite the massive amount of times I have said things that pretty much amount to “fuck you and fuck your god”.

I recently saw the documentary Religulous by Bill Maher. Now as much as he said “I don’t claim to know, that’s my religion,” he also said that everyone (Christians, Muslims, Jews, Scientologists, and just about anyone else that thinks that there’s something beyond what we can see) should “grow up”. “Grow up” seeming to me like we should drop religion as a whole, which makes it seem like now he does fucking know.

He blamed many of the world’s problems on the religions of the world. I might have misunderstood something but I think he also blamed pollution and the threat of nuclear war on religion(?). He points out the horrible things that people have done in the name of their religion, such as the Crusades, witch hunts, terrorist attacks, and Tom Cruise. Though he fails to bring up the good things that religions have produced or the horrible things that happen in spite of religion.

He seems to want to avoid the fact that both Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. were both great men who were both religious and did great things for their fellow man. He likewise didn’t acknowledge that people like Stalin, people completely void of any religion, are still capable of bowel evacuatingly terrifying things, such as flying off the handle from time to time and causing mass fucking slaughters. As said before, he did this completely separated from religion. In fact communist Russia, also known as Sucksfuckingassville, was just as anti-religion as they were anti-capitalism. One of the reasons that Catholics really, really didn’t like them and vice-versa.

Another thing pointed out by Maher is the bullshit of Creationism. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s a belief that you can shoehorn the bible into scientific theories. They think God made the earth, believe that dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time humans did, and that the earth is only like 10,000 years old. So kind of a whole new category asshole. But, like everyone else in the Anti-Religion League, he lumps in the Intelligent Design Hypothesis with Creationism.

They are not the same fucking thing and I’m tired of people not fucking knowing that! Intelligent Design is the idea that an intelligent being, maybe God, maybe fucking not, is behind the creation of existence. The pyromaniac behind the big bang if you like. This hypothesis can completely coincide with modern science but assholes don’t want to hear it out because of the likening to Creationism and for scientists they suck at research because you can find all this shit out on fucking Wikipedia.

All that said, I did like the documentary and he did point out some of the crazy motherfuckers we got running around such as a “reformed” gay guy who doesn’t believe anyone is really gay. I highly recommend it in spite of its short comings.

On Gay Marriage

From time to time I really need people to explain things to me. Why would anyone listen to Danny Elfman for entertainment? What does someone get from a pet snake? Why is it okay for PETA to objectify women but I shouldn’t have a steak? German tranny porn? I try my best to understand these different viewpoints. I don’t always agree with them, but I do understand some of them. Still lost on the tranny porn and PETA though.

What I’m completely lost on is why people are against gay marriage. Or why they think it’s their fucking business to begin with. This is supposed to be a free nation. I want guns. I now own three. Someone wants children. Octomom has a shit load. Angelina wants to start her own rainbow club? She goes to the third world and adds a few to the collection. Scientology? Go for it! Start pissing and shitting your way to enlightment (if you knew anything about Scientology you’d probably laugh at that). Dude wants to marry another dude? Fuck you! Chick wants to marry another chick? Can I watch? Err, I mean fuck you!

If anyone says it’s because this is a Christian nation, shit in your hat! Not everyone in this country is a Christian. And when your religion starts to infringe on my rights I call that religious tyranny. A little something our Founding Fathers attempted to get rid of in this, our great nation.

Now of course if you’ve paid any attention to Michele Bachmann’s campaign, she claims that gay people have the same rights as the rest of us. Gay people have the right to marry someone of the opposite sex.

… let that sink in. Go back and read it just one more time. Was she trying to be funny? Gay people can marry all the people they want… just so long as it’s a person of the opposite sex therefore their rights are the same as ours. Where the fuck do these people get off?

Now some of our Republican wannabe nominees have announced that if they become President they will try to make a Constitutional amendment that states that marriage is a union between a man and a woman. Because there isn’t anything else going on in this fucking country and they apparently feel this is a real issue. It’s not! Give them their goddamn rights and move the fuck on. Why is this still a debate?

Gays are the some of the last people left that politicians can openly be prejudiced against and in fact run on as a platform for their election. How? Two words, “Family Values”. Fuck you and fuck your values.

Who would it hurt if gay people could get married? Look to your left. Now look to your right. Anyone you just so happened to see while looking around, sitting at your computer, wouldn’t be hurt in the least by gay marriage. Would it hurt God? If you answered yes, I then ask “How the fuck do you fucking know? Talked to him lately? Gotten your gossip for the day from him? Had some fucking coffee with him/her/it while watching the news (because we all know God watches the news on the biggest TV in existence. That thing would kill George Lucas and we all know it. God’s big screen is the shit!) God’s existence is in question. Gay peoples’ isn’t. Just give them their rights and move the fuck on.  

For those who are kind of pussies, sorry I wrote "fuck" so much.

Our Culture Sucks

You know what urks me? The shit we now use in tourism.

If you've visited the Southwestern United States and stopped at any gas station you'll notice the vast amount of overpriced, fake, Native American souvenirs. Does anyone else see the hypocrisy in this? Here is a people that many of our ancestors victimised and killed to the point of near genocide. And even now the infant mortality rate on reservations is three times higher than the national average. Ask people to help them? "Why the fuck should I do that? They probably don't want help anyway." Ask people if they want a dream catcher or some turquoise jewelry made by some fat lady? "How much?"

Same goes for Hawaii. This is another culture that settlers tried to destroy, but see a chance to give some pale, suburban, douche bag with flip-flops a hard on?  Watch them employ some exotic tits with coconuts on them. Show them a sexy, flat belly that has been tanned to perfection waving around in a hula dance. Let them become a sovereign nation? Fuck that!

(Let it be known, I love hula dancers and coconut bras. I, too, am part of our hypocritical culture.)

But then again we've never seen a drunk, white guy wearing a Sombrero. So maybe we do have some couth. Oh, wait...

Bye Bachmann

Michele Bachmann has, thankfully, dropped out of the race. I'm personally breathing a sigh of relief. I would love a woman as a President. That would show progress. But this is a person who openly came out and said she was for water boarding "simulated drowning".

Good fucking riddance psycho.

Hello

We're living in a new year.

Hello reader. I have started this blog, like many others, to rant, generally criticize people and situations from the safety of my home, and voice my ideas.

Before judging me for the title of my blog let me share my views to you. I am pro-guns, pro-abortion, I like the death penalty, I really don't care if you're in this country illegally. There are more important things to worry about. Anti-war, pro-black ops ninja type warfare. Stem cell research will lead to the end of cancer and other horrible diseases. Waterboarding is torture and shouldn't be used. Rick Perry is an asshole. Bachmann is an idiot. The only current Republican I'd be comfortable with as President is Ron Paul.

The only time I care about your religion is if you're trying to force it on me or someone is trying to take it away from you.

Almost all the problems in the world can be traced back to the rich and powerful.

Agree? Cool. Disagree? Cool too. Got an opinion? Please share. Good day all.