Mitt Romney

So it’s come down to Obama and Romney. (Gingrich is sticking around for some reason. Maybe he thinks he’ll be able to have sex with something that isn’t his wife. That joke could lose its relevance really soon so enjoy it). So I decided to do a little research on dear old Mitt (Spoiler Alert: I think he’s a prick).

So Mitt Romney is a rich guy. Not holding it against him. Given, rich people tend to be assholes but there are a few good ones. There’s… um… Warren Buffet and… um… okay never mind let’s move on. So since he’s rich, his wife is rich by proxy. So his wife tells us, “I don't even consider myself wealthy, which is an interesting thing. It can be here today gone tomorrow.” Yeah, true, but you have it today and most Americans don’t. The lovely Ann Romney also said, during the same interview, “Some people have lovers in every port [probably taking a veiled jab at Gingrich]; I have horses in every port.” I don’t hold horse riding against her at all. I love it myself. On top of that she’s using it as therapy for her MS. Good for her but for those of you who don’t have horses; they cost a shit load of money. One more jab at Romney having a fuck load of money okay? Ready? He’s planning on putting a car elevator on one of his houses. But he’s not rich.

So the Republicans who are just now realizing that the majority of Americans are fucking poor tell Mitt to back off talking about how much money he has. So he does. Instead he moves on to talking about family road trips with the family dog. Everyone, all at once, Awwwwwww.

So his family was taking a trip to Canada (fucking traitors). Having no room in their car they strap a kennel to the roof and stick their furriest loved one in the kennel. After a long trip on the roof the dog does what dogs do and pisses everywhere. Mitt gets his furry friend off the roof, hoses him off, and sticks him back on the roof. Given, not really relevant to a presidential race, but still kind of mean.

Again the Republicans freak and need to find something wrong Obama’s done with an animal. Preferably something small and loveable. And maybe his dick. So they find out that as a kid in Kenya (or some damn where) he ate dog… he ate… dog. They think they’ve hit the mother load but nobody seemed to really care. As they shouldn’t have.

Moving on!

So Mitt doesn’t seem to have come into his own yet. Like a pubescent young fellow who doesn’t really know if he’s gay or not. I think that’s what really pushes him passed just being “eh” to full prickdom. People started telling him he’s not conservative enough, so he decides to find a new found interest in the NRA. He finds out that some of his economic views seem a little too liberal so he assures us, “I’m not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there.” “Whoa,” somebody says, “that’s too conservative,” so, back-peddle, back-peddle, back-peddle. And then he gets told he’s going to lose the Hispanic vote because of his immigration views. So then he bends back into a more liberal fellow.

So he’s a political contortionist. He’ll do anything to get elected therefore he should not be.

Uncle Ted is a Prick

So you’ve probably heard about Ted Nugent. If you haven’t heard just read this and you’ll be up to date. http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/04/17/nugent-threatens-death-if-obama-wins-in-november/

Read it? Good. God it’s so hard dealing with you people.

Just to put you in the right mindset this is who we're dealing with.

Ted on a good day

So now people are divided between the “Teddy was just exercising his freedom of speech rights” and the “Nugent is a hillbilly asshole who threatened the President of the U.S.” camps. Everyone else has weighed in so I might as well too. In case you hadn’t guessed, I’m part of the camp that thinks Nugent is a jackass.

The opinion dividing people is whether or not what Nugent said is covered by free speech. I’ll break it to you. Saying “If Barack Obama becomes the president in November again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year,” doesn’t fall under political speech, it falls under threatening the life of another person.

This is NOT protected by free speech. Not everything you say is protected by free speech. Had Nugent said to a neighbor he didn’t like, “If you don’t move out of my neighborhood, I will either be dead or in jail soon,” Nugent gets to have a nice ride in a police cruiser. If Nugent says, “I’m gonna blow this motherfucker to hell,” on an airplane, he gets a nice ride in a black car with tinted windows to lands unknown.

Above: A true leader of men

The Secret Service, which took a rather long goddamn time to have a word with Ted, talked to Nugent and found out what most of us already thought. Ted Nugent is a windbag with a lot of guns that sucks at singing, but likely doesn’t have the balls to do anything.

I’d like to point out that Nugent made his freaky ass comments on the weekend and the Secret Service didn’t talk to him right away. They instead decided to talk with him the following Thursday. Some fucking redneck all but said he’ll kill our President but that, apparently, doesn’t warrant looking into right away. (By the way everyone who was saying shit like “Yeah, way to go Ted, that’ll show that American hating nigger gentleman!” Teddy fucking pussed out and back peddled like a little bitch when the Secret Service started questioning him).

I’d also like to point out that had this happened during the Bush administration and Ted Nugent had the name Mohammed; Ted/Mohammed would find his ass getting water boarded in Cuba. But because Ted’s an “All-American” white fella (sisterfucker) he seems to get away without even a slap on the wrists.

Do I think Ted needs to go to jail? Not really. He’s probably got so much inbreeding in his background he’d have trouble forming anything resembling a plan to hurt the President. But, what about that psycho in the back of the room (it was an NRA meeting so there were probably a shit load of them now come to think of it) who decides old Teddy is onto something?

In closing, Ted Nugent is an asshole redneck little fucking pussy that may or may not have gotten some other redneck asshole’s wheels turning. Fuck Ted Nugent, he’s not protected by the freedom of speech you fucking awful jackasses. I’m fucking glad he’s getting shows cancelled. That’s what happens when you act like a fuck. People don’t want you around them least people think they too are fucks. There is no fucking Obama conspiracy to shut up Nugent. If you think there is one you are one of the aforementioned rednecks.

If you’d like to chime in and tell me what you think of Teddy boy go for it. If you’d like to call me a liberal commie faggot, go for it. Be a fucking man about it. I dare you to defend Ted because no matter what you say I’ll argue you into fucking tears (or until you decide you have better things to do than argue with someone you haven’t met, like maybe get back to fucking that goat you just got.)

Thank you for reading this insanity.

PETA Part 2

I liked bashing PETA. So, instead of leaving people to their own research into the organization I decided to bash some more.

So, below is a picture of a Chihuahua with the slave name “Little Man”. Little Man is the slave of the photographer. The erection killer holding that poor little slave is Ingrid Newkirk. Ingrid is the head of PETA making her head asshole.

This is another picture of her. Very

sane.

And another.

She’s done many things to get herself the “Fuck Head of the Forever” award but I feel that her best work was displayed in a letter to Yasser Arafat asking him to … well just read the letter. I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you.

Your Excellency:

I am writing from an organization dedicated to fighting animal abuse around the world. We have received many calls and letters from people shocked at the bombing in Jerusalem on January 26 in which a donkey, laden with explosives, was intentionally blown up.

All nations behave abominably in many ways when they are fighting their enemies, and animals are always caught in the crossfire. The U.S. Army abandoned thousands of loyal service dogs in Vietnam. Al-Qaeda and the British government have both used animals in hideously cruel biological weaponry tests. We watched on television as stray cats in your own compound fled as best they could from the Israeli bulldozers.

Animals claim no nation. They are in perpetual involuntary servitude to all humankind, and although they pose no threat and own no weapons, human beings always win in the undeclared war against them. For animals, there is no Geneva Convention and no peace treaty — just our mercy.

If you have the opportunity, will you please add to your burdens my request that you appeal to all those who listen to you to leave the animals out of this conflict?

We send you sincere wishes of peace.

Very truly yours,

Ingrid Newkirk
President, PETA

I don’t know about you but I’m a bit choked up.

 Such a nice lady protecting the donkeys from being used in the blowing up of human beings. This, ladies and gentlemen, is something we should all try and aspire to.

So, onto another thing I wanted to bring up.

Below is a picture of Rod Coronado. Rod Coronado is part of the ALF (Animal Liberation Front). This organization sees itself as a modern day underground railroad. They steal animals from farms, research facilities, etc. and give them a nice home to live out the rest of their lives, blah, blah, blah.

 

Oh, and from time to time they blow something up or burn something down depending on their level of crazy that day.

Rod Coronado was jailed in 1995 for his part in an arson on Michigan State University’s research facilities in 1992. He caused $125,000 worth of damage and destroyed 30 years worth of data. This arson was apparently a part of “Operation Bite Back” an organized attack on animal testing facilities and fur manufacturers. Later he would write in an open letter “Don't ask me how to burn down a building. Ask me how to grow watermelons or how to explain nature to a child.” But it should still be known that he’s pretty good at burning shit down.

And when this prick needed a lawyer guess who he called. If you guessed Ghost Busters you are wrong. If you guessed fucking PETA you are right. PETA paid $45,200 for Rod’s defense. 

Again in closing: PETA is a fuck head organization. If you too want to rant about PETA please leave a comment. If I’ve missed anything please leave a comment. If you are a part of PETA, go fuck yourself, and then leave a comment. If you'd like to help defend PETA or the ALF I dare you to try by leaving a comment. If you want more shit about PETA or the ALF just search “shit about PETA and the ALF” something’s bound to come up.

PETA

Who can name the organization that asked Palestinians to stop using donkeys while blowing people up?  http://www.animalrights.net/2003/peta-to-palestinians-stop-using-donkey-bombs/

And what’s the name of a wonderful organization that euthanizes a shit load of animals a year while basically calling everyone else that does the same thing murderers? http://www.aolnews.com/2010/03/09/petas-euthanasia-rates-have-critics-fuming/

Last one. What organization will pay for your defense so long as you firebomb a lab that experiments on animals? http://www.animalscam.com/references/peta_rodney2.cfm

If you answered anything but “PETA” for the questions above you’re wrong.

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is an animal rights organization. PETA has about 300 employees and 2000 members. PETA is an asshole organization. They are such assholes in fact, that I have no way of writing at length everything that makes them assholes. I’ll just include a few ways that they make me want to throat punch a kitten.

THEIR ADS: Some of us may have seen their latest ad where they basically claim that vegans fuck like they’re trying to kill their partner and that a well screwed woman will know that she better damn well get my fucking vegan food back to the house no matter how severe her internal injuries are so that I can bang her like a rapist again before she's allowed to put the fucking soy milk and carrots away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0vQOnHW0Kc

PETA has been known for its ads in the past. Hot, sexual ads that drain the blood from most people's minds, sending it south, in order to make us think “Tits and ass and sex = animal rights”. For your viewing pleasure I’ve included some of my favorites.

I hear this is how Roger Rabbit met Jessica.

That's funny. I'd rather see you naked than

see you wearing fur. Win-win.

This would make me happy if he was

about to fall into a bin of angry ferrets.

Is it weird that I just got hungry?

Well none of your's. You have no fur. Stupid.

Yeah, but if I go synthetic you

still throw paint at me. :(

This one's my favorite. Chained, Beaten, Abused, yeaaaah...

this woman is just like an elephant... except I was never

turned on by an elephant... so now come to think of it

she's nothing like an elephant.

THEIR IDEOLOGY: So they want people to stop eating, or keeping, or generally looking in the direction of animals. They want animals to have “rights”. So it’s bad for us to eat them. But they never bring up the fact that animals eat other animals. It’s okay for a lion to eat a gazelle but I can’t have a fucking steak?  Fuck you.

Something most people don’t know, I assume, is that PETA’s animal rights goes pass the treatment of animals. They claim that pets (dogs, cats, ferrets, horses, etc.) are slaves in bondage. SLAVES in bondage like the Jews in Egypt or Africans in the Americas. That is fucking sick for them to compare Kunta Kinte to Fluffy the fucking cat. For those of us who have an animal that gets nothing but love and food, you know that YOU are in fact the slave. YOU work for they’re food. YOU house them. YOU walk them so that they won’t shit on your rug. THEY sit on their ass. THEY eat. THEY watch us pick up their shit in public.

So they want animal rights. But not really animal rights. HUMAN rights for animals. Okay, let’s pretend for a second that that happened. Fluffy the fucking cat (as mentioned above) has human rights. Fluffy sees another human rights holder, Mickey the fucking mouse. Fluffy catches Mickey, and like cats do, sadistically tortures him for hours until finally swallowing him whole leaving Mickey’s babies to starve in a single parent household. Fluffy gets arrested, because that’s what happens to sick sadist humans and Fluffy is now in that category. Fluffy can’t understand the charges though, because he’s a FUCKING CAT, so like any human that’s incompetent to stand trial, Fluffy gets sent to a nut house. But Fluffy doesn’t like the place and Fluffy freaks the fuck out and starts biting and scratching people (like Angelina Jolie in Girl Interrupted). Fluffy needs to be sedated but WE HAVE NO DRUGS TO KNOCK FLUFFY THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE ANIMAL TESTING IS NOW ILLEGAL AND NO ONE CAN GET ANYTHING TO HUMAN TRIALS!!

THEIR THOUGHT THAT THEY CAN GET FAMOUS PEOPLE AND USE THEM TO GET THEIR FANS (that’s a long one): So PETA gets Paul McCartney (AKA The Beatle no one really cared about until John died), Pamela Anderson (AKA Borat’s stalking victim), Reverend Al Sharpton (AKA the guy who cashes in on every bit of tension between black people and whoever), and Eva Mendes (AKA the reason I almost joined PETA). They use these celebrities to counter act the fact that they only have 2000 members. These people are rich and looking for a tax break. Low and fucking behold: PETA.

Must... fight... need ... to join... bullshit organization...

IN CLOSING: Fuck PETA. If you too want to rant about PETA please leave a comment. If I’ve missed anything please leave a comment. If you are a part of PETA, go fuck yourself, and then leave a comment. If you want more shit about PETA just search “shit about PETA” something’s bound to come up.

Birth Control

God doesn’t want you to have the choice of having kids. And through his servants (who have a constant hotline to the man (that’s right, MAN)) the good people at the church have made sure that even people who aren’t a part of their religion will have to jump through hoops to get birth control through their employer’s insurance providers. Onward Christian soldiers!

For those of you who don’t know, the Obama Administration was trying to make it so that employers need to offer an insurance plan that covers birth control to their employees. Including church funded hospitals and universities. And because the church is running low on Catholics, the church opposed it hiding behind freedom of religion. Throw a few Republican conservatives in the mix talking about government control and you get a compromise that allows women to obtain contraception but have to go through their insurance providers instead of their employers to get it. Confused? That’s because it’s fucking confusing.

This is bullshit. It’s archaic for anyone to be denied a form of healthcare because they work for a fucking zealot. I’d like to point out that just because you work at a church funded hospital does not mean you are a part of that religion. So now religion has control over a part of your life. Because that’s okay… right?

Rick Santorum (fuck Rick Santorum) had come out and said, “It’s not about contraception. It's about economic liberty; it's about freedom of speech; it's about freedom of religion. It's about government control of your lives and it's got to stop.” So, the government giving women the option to get control over their lives is the government controlling your life? You fuckers came up with the goddamn Patriot Act and you’re now talking to me about government butting its head in my life? I’d like to point out how this man is doing what seems to be a very Republican thing to do. Notice how he tries to distract people from the real point (which is contrafuckingception) and points at unconnected shit like the freedom of speech and economic liberty (really? Really?).

The Obama Administration compromised and allowed religious institutes to be exempt from the requirement but the church is still opposing the requirement because of “serious moral concerns”. That’s right; the government making sure a woman has access to the birth control pill is immoral. It’s even more immoral then, say a group of priests making sure that a kid toucher stays one step in front of the police by moving him from church to church.

The government making it easier for you to decide when to have a family is not an infringement on religious freedom and it is not a path for government control.

Newt Gingrich

Ah, Newt Gingrich. Where to start with this guy. His infidelity? His douche bag name? His general being a lying, insensitive prick? Maybe the fact that he looks like a tall infant.

Let’s start with the whole sticking it to some chick that wasn’t his wife. So he was getting hot and heavy while he was married. But the woman he was doing the dance without pants with wasn’t his wife. Whoops. That’s right; he was hiding the old bishop in the wrong church.

By the way, it turns out that they got a divorce about the time Wife Number One found out she had cancer. He even gave her the divorce papers while she was in the hospital.  Allegedly Newt was sensitive enough to tell his campaign treasurer "She's not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer."  Ahhhh, how nice of him. He says that this was a fabrication.

Six months after that divorce Newty marries his second wife. And again like a bad horror movie the same thing happened. Newt began humping a House of Representatives staffer. After a while he told his wife about the affair and then (according to his now 2^nd ex-wife) asked her for an open marriage. Got that one backwards old boy.

According to him this thing about the open marriage is also made up. Geez, lots of people making stuff up about him. And of course the internet conservatives started to call her a lying ex-wife. Because of course all exs are fucking liars. But this “lie” is so original that it has to be true. Either she’s a great storyteller or it’s the truth.  Anyway that was the end of Mrs. Gingrich number two.

Oh, and they got a divorce a year after she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Jesus he tends to leave them waaaay worse than he finds them.

Interesting fact: The new woman he was now tossing it in, that wasn’t his wife, was 23 years younger than he was.

He married the staffer he was doing the horizontal bop with. For a guy with “family values” he sure seems to have a problem keeping Little Newt to go along with the program.

Now onto his name. Ever seen Lonesome Dove? No. Well, here’s a character from the series named Newt.

Goofy little fella. This is what I have to think of every time I hear “Newt”. We can’t have a fucking president named fucking Newt!

Oh, he also says the reason he resigned as Speaker of the House because he felt some things that went wrong were his fault and he didn’t deserve the seat. This is all true if when he says that he means he was brought up on ethics charges and was fined $300,000 and people fucking hated him for going after President Bill Clinton. By the way this was the first time in history that the Speaker of the House was brought up on ethics charges.

He also seems to want to take credit for 4 years of budget surplus even though he was only Speaker of the House for 2 years of a budget surplus so fuck him.

In closing I’d like to point out one more thing. When asked what he’d do about America’s enemies he quoted Andrew Jackson, saying he’d kill them. Huh? First that’s psychotic. No diplomacy? No talking? Just kill them? Shit, we could do that ourselves, why the fuck are we paying you to do it? Second, Andrew Jackson was a psycho who displaced American Indians even more than they already were, dueled on the fucking White House lawn, beat people with his fucking walking stick, and near the end he’d stated that he’d wished he’d killed more people, one of them being John Calhoun, his own Vice President.

Not the best person for a modern president to look up to in my opinion.

On SOPA

Copyrights are under fire! The whole fucking world is going to blow up if you don't give the U.S. government control of your freedom of speech and expression!!  Lucky for us some people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about are fixing this problem with the SOPA and PIPA. Thanks U.S. politicians for giving us this protection. Is there any way we can repay you? Any chance I can let you nail me right where you're nailing my fucking rights to free speech.

These Acts suck fucking ass. You could learn more about them easily but the good people at Wikipedia, among others, have blacked out their sites in protest. These policies will "protect" copyrights by either taking the site that engage in unlicensed distribution. As an example if I wanted to put up a blog post like:

"Miami Vice the movie sucked fucking balls. It was boring as shit!

"

That would be against the law because I used a copyrighted poster for the film. "Okay", you say, "So just say that sucks and don't use the picture." Of course I reply, "Fuck you, I also wouldn't be able to criticize the copyrighted work that appears on other political sites. I might not be able to express myself when I write:

                                                                                                   

So, people in the U.S. government wants to take control of content on the Internet. We all know how good it is to let the government take control of the freedom of speech, right Germany?



On the chance that the picture above it copyrighted I would be violating these laws. Political and religious groups could also use these laws to block sites that republish writing they would like to keep from the public eye.

If you don't give a fuck about the freedom of speech or expression then let me tell you this. It takes a lot to block an internet address without fucking everything up. The shit they would do would open up holes in the Internet that could allow hackers to river dance through the place with all the grace of a bull in a fucking China shop.

Don’t just go with my word. Do your own research. Save yourselves! Write a representative. A least tell them “This shit is fucking shit!”

Protect your fucking rights!